I think we all can agree that 2020 was one hell of a year.
There are a lot of F words that I can think of to describe 2020…
Between the global pandemic (lockdown, lack of PPE, distance learning, toilet paper gate, massive death toll, excessive handwashing, the list goes on…) to the senseless killings of Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, Rayshard Brooks, Daniel Prude, Atatiana Jefferson, Stephon Clark to name a few.
Not to mention, police brutality captured on video, followed by Black lives matter protests, overt racism, kids in cages, 500+ children mysteriously missing, murder hornets, wildfires, historic unemployment, restaurant closings, the mass exodus of 200,000+ people from New York City, and the 6 pm cheers for hospital staff.
2020 was the gift that everyone wanted to return.
All that said, I personally loved being at home. But having to stay at home and being afraid to go outside and worrying about everyone you know, was a lot to manage.
As a doula, there were so many changes with my work. Families were faced with having to deliver alone, then being allowed one birth support person, and then there was learning how to support families, virtually. Zoom calls, so MANY Zoom calls…
Then Gov. Cuomo passed an order mandating doulas as essential workers in April 2020, only one slight issue…with none of the protection. We would have to supply our own PPE gear.
I made the personal decision not to attend hospital births to protect my family. There’s my mother who is in her 80’s and my pre-teenage sun (not a typo). This was a difficult decision as I have been a doula for 17+ years.
I had to support my clients who labored at home and then leave them at the hospital and provide virtual support. I knew it was for the safety of my family but I also felt like I was abandoning my clients. What the F$%!
When the Summer came around, I found a way to manage. I beached (my official word) every day I could.
I shopped for bathing suits and had a blast going to the beach all day. It was my new office. I could not get enough of Brighton Beach. It was crowded on the weekends. Everyone still managed the social distancing regulations. There was space, and people were in their little groups.
Everyone had their own creative ways to social distance at the beach. Some people built little forts around their blankets, some had mesh fences, tents, and chairs in a circle. There was a nice breeze and plenty of sun. I was in my element.
My goal was to get 10 shades darker. I think in a past life I was an iguana because I can (and will) sit in the sun forever. I also get very cold as soon as the temperature drops below 75°F.
Then my birthday came as it does every year at the end of August. This was a momentous birthday. I was turning, here comes the F word, Fifty! I called my Tia (aunt/godmother) a few days before my birthday. When I told her I was turning fifty, she exclaimed, “I’m getting old” referring to herself. She said, “You cannot be fifty!”, I agreed with her.
I decided that I was not turning fifty in 2020. There were already enough real tragedies happening. I didn’t need another one. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to be alive to see another year around the splendid sun. But I lost a friend to Covid-19 and that was truly heartbreaking.
Even though according to the year I was born, I am *technically* 50. But I’ve decided to have a do-over in 2021.
So for all of the real losses that occurred in 2020, I am also leaving my 50th year around the sun in 2020. As all of my friends and family know, I will OFFICIALLY be turning 50 AGAIN in 2021 because F that, I am making my own rules from now on.
Annette x
