My earliest memories are of the women in my family during the holidays. 

We always went home (to Panama) for the holidays.  The best part of the holidays was centered around food and food prep. My family was very matriarchal; my grandmother, Nennen, my mother, who was one of three girls, and me. 

Everyone went home for Christmas. Tios (uncles), tias (aunts), primas (girl cousins), and primos (boy cousins). 

It was a huge celebration that involved a lot of cooking. We spent a lot of time in the kitchen preparing food not only  for daily meals, but of course, as well as Christmas Eve dinner and New Year’s Eve.  

Being in the kitchen really was a privilege . There was storytelling, family history, and a lot of gossip. 

One time when we were young, my cousin, who in her excitement at hearing a topic she could speak about, added to the conversation. This got us kicked out of the kitchen. 

We tried to listen by the window but got caught because we were snickering too loudly. The lesson I  learned was that if I wanted to stay in the kitchen I had to do a job that no one wanted to do, like chopping onions and be quiet. The latter was the most important part. 

My grandmother, Nennen, told a story of how she got lost in a dangerous neighborhood and how she walked confidently in the wrong direction until she figured out where she was and found her way back on the right path. 

My aunts would tell stories with so many vivid details that I felt like I was there when it happened. They were funny, bold, confident, and outspoken.  Their stories were filled with so many nuggets of information. 

I have a bunch of stories from those moments. I also spent summers with my Abuela, Nennen. There were so many lessons I learned from just watching her. 

In Panama City, when you ride the bus, there isn’t a bell system to notify the bus driver you want to get off of the bus. You have to yell, “parada” (bus stop) for the driver to stop the bus. If you miss your stop you could end up at least half a mile away from your intended bus stop. 

I learned from Nennen how to yell for the stop with confidence. We would ride the bus to the market. Nennen was friendly to everyone, she greeted everyone she came in contact with. 

She would negotiate with the man that ran the fruit stand for the best fruits at the cheapest price. She had a favorite person at the fish market as well. He would call out to her as soon as he saw her. The other vendors at the market knew that she would only buy from him. 

I was amazed at the ease at which Nennen carried herself with poise, confidence, and dignity. During these times she was teaching me without saying a word. 

I went to school in Panama when I was 11 years old and had to ride the bus into town to get there, by myself. I remember when I told Nennen that I was scared to ride the bus by myself. She grabbed me by my chin and looked me in my eyes and said, “You will be fine!”. 

I believed her and even until now, those words empower me on hard days. 

Nennen said, “I will be fine!”